Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I'm no Hero. I put my Bra on one boob at a time like everyone else - Tina Belcher.

I've been a member of Weight Watchers now for 500 years.

Ok maybe not that long.

I first joined the DubbaEwes when I was 20 and I lost about 30 kilos.

Since then I have joined & quit & joined & quit & joined & quit etc etc etc.

The program is great.  It is all about eating healthy, exercising and taking care of yourself.

I decided to REREREREREjoin again last year.

"Come ORN Vickster you know it works" I wailed to the voices in my head "You need to get your shit together woman!"

The weekly meeting I go to is freaking great. I sit with a bunch of gals who are a bloody hoot and we have dubbed ourselves The Naughty Corner.  These woman are of all ages from I would say early thirties to their nineties  and I look forward to having a natter with them each week.


I just can't seem to get my shit together.

I track for about 4 days and then I seriously just can't be arsed.  It's all too hard.  I'm over it.
Why can't I just eat stuff and not gain weight?

Now, people you must understand I am not hitting the queues at KFC for their 35 piece bucket meal with a tub of potato and gravy or eating Maccas upsized meals.  I reckon I eat pretty healthy.  I'm all about CLEAN eating and not scoffing my gob with blocks of chockie. (ok confession time. I DID eat one of those Magnum Red Velvet ice creams this week.... sweet Mary mother of ................ anyway where was I? )

I mean you just have to LOOK at my HUGE Pinterest food board to see that I OBVIOUSLY eat like a saint.  Seriously, if pinning links to Keto, Paleo, Syndrome X and I Quit Sugar pages burned calories I would be a size 8!

And just LOOK in my kitchen cupboard where you will find 5000 cook books from almost every diet that has ever been invented. 12wbt. WW. Symply 2 Good. I Quit Sugar. CSIRO.  I got 'em all. (except for anything with that Pete Evans fella on the cover... he creeps me out)

I'm the same with exercise. Oh I'll hit that gym EVERY SINGLE DAY ...... for about 2 weeks and then the ole. Fuck this mentality kicks in.

I'd rather be home sewing.
I'd rather be home surfing pinterest
I'd rather be surfing reddit for new videos of pandas attacking people (those crazy pandas LOL)


"Why don't you just quit WW and eat whatever the fuck you want?!" I hear you screech.

Because, I like going to the meetings and seeing the ladies.  I love the recipes on the website.
I love stalking people on their Connect page. It makes me feel like I'm trying SOMETHING... even if it is half.... ok 1/4 arsed.

As I was sitting in my bed covered up in my minky blankey (ooooooooooo Autumn is here!), sipping on a cup of herbal Rooibis choc vanilla tea (zero points) and scrolling through the WW version of Instaham I got sad.  There seems to be a metric shit tonne of people who are fucking NAILING IT.
They stick to the program.  They do it.  They don't whinge and whine . People who have lost so much weight and are feeling super rad.

One one hand I tell myself "Vicki, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing ok. Sure you're a boomba now and you have under boob chaffing for the first time in your life BUT you are alive and giving it a good solid go.................. for half of the week. Cut yourself some slack woman. There are people out there who are doing it REAL tough".

So, if anyone out there has the miracle cream for CBA syndrome (Can't Be Arsed) or a bottle of Shut the Fuck up and Just Do It I'd like to place an order.

SIDE NOTE:  Yes I know I should just accept myself for who I am, I should love my skin tags and pasty stomach fat...... This is not about that.  We all know that I am fucking amazing... just ask me (she says tongue firmly planted in cheek)... This is about HEALTH.
I have too much of that nasty visceral fat. That is the shit that will give you the diabetes and a force your organs to work too hard and I am ALL about not working too hard.

And I really need to start pinning more Adele quotes..................

She's my new super hero.


Sunday, April 9, 2017

I am a Lady. I press Flowers and stroke Kittens and Swim in Rivers wearing Dresses and Hats and shit - Emily Howard

Because I am a lady and I do lady things, there's nothing I like more than gathering a bunch of ladies together to do lady things as a lady group.

Actually, it more like I really like whacking on a frock with a flower and some red lippy, eating a shit load of calorie laden food and talking about all the important topics with gals. 
(like who would you rather give you a foot massage Tom Hardy or Jason Momoa)

I decided that because life is too short not to eat all the cake that I should have a ladies luncheon.

Life for me has been a wee bit ..... well..... black dogish lately  and I desperately needed a big hit of estrogen pheromone combined with loads of hugs, cheek kisses and filthy filthy smut talk.

The Paddington Deli came highly recommended by the tres chic Mz Billie and Mrs Kelisha and those dames know their shit....so I locked it in.  

Where do I start?

Firstly, I HAD to sew myself a new frock to wear of course.  
I chose Butterick B5951 in a noice brown & cream florally cotton.  It was a real mongrel to sew the weird high gathered neckline and I threw it into the corner a couple of times in frustration and called it some very unladylike names. 
I finally finished it and it turned out pretty good in the end. Winning.

On to the luncheon..................

From the moment we all arrived, Annie the owner/manager could NOT do enough for our rambunctious group of dames and I think some of the other diners were wondering who the heck this bunch of dolled up dolls were.


We were taking advantage of their lunch special which was $25 for a set menu of either entree & main or main & dessert WITH a glass of wine.

I had the herb/garlic bread for entree and the eggs Benedict with smoked salmon for main.  Luckily for me Mrs Simone is on a diet and I was donated her dessert of lemon meringue (MY FAV).

The food was AMAZING and for my friends with funky guts they had a great range of gluten free.
So fresh and tasty and the sizes were huge. TWENTY FIVE BUCKS!!!

We hardly had to wait at all for the food and drinks and the tables were constantly cleared so we didn't knock over the glassware while gesticulating wildly while describing our latest news events.
The beautiful young lasses who work there were just so friendly and professional.

The restaurant itself is so lovely with lots of brickwork, chandeliers and fabulous artwork. .... 
AND it's right next door to the Paddington Antique Centre.
How convenient !!!!

After gorging ourselves silly most of us then went next door to the Antique Centre for a quick *cough* "look". It has been a few years since I've been and I must admit I didn't see too much of interest to me. A lot of  ye ole antique things but not much mid century and alas, no squeekie toys.  (The exception being the gorgeous Mrs Anna's store Mrs Duchess Vintage.... 
I want ALL THE HATS).  

I naturally was drawn to The Button Shop which sells a lot of ........... well.... buttons.  
Even though I wanted to buy everything I ended up only buying 3 belt buckles. I was surprisingly restrained.  Oh I could have spends thousands on glorious marcasite brooches too. Sigh.

Everyone had a lovely time of it catching up and having a laugh.  

I think there is a few of us who really needed a relaxing lunch with other chicks that we can relax and cack ourselves with and not to mention we all LURVE an excuse to pull a fabulous frock out of the cupboard and get tarted up to go out for some good company.

I am very very blessed to know a stack of incredible, talented caring wonderful ladies who support each other.  They make my heart all warm and gooey like a Cadbury cream egg left on the dash of your car.

I am still smiling like a Rottnest Island Quokka taking a selfie.


Saturday, January 7, 2017

This is the Heavy Heavy Monster Sound

So, yawl might remember my blog post about seeing Bad Manners where The Sunny Coast Rude Boys supported.   
How excited was I to find out through the miracle of social media that TSCRB had their very own gig at The Triffid as part of the Rude Boy/Rude Girl Dance Club?!!!

This time I was stoked that hubby came along too.

After some great traditional ska music from DJ Dave Slater it was time show time.

As usual, I was right up the front with a huge goofy smile on my face.
Looking around I was so excited to see the venue was full and the local ska loving community had come out to support the night. 

Well, what can I say?

As usual, TSCRB were brilliant.  So tight and Michael (the lead singer)'s vocals were fantastic.
Even though they are essentially a covers band I love how they put their own spin on a lot of the tunes.  They offer such a variety too.  Gorgeous melodic reggae to traditional ska to knees up nutty ska.   

Looking around the room it was obvious the crowd was LOVING IT and GOING ORRRFF!
A number of times the rude boy skanking next to me would look at me and scream "How fucking great is this??!!!"   I was bouncing up & down and skanking like a crazy woman.

Highlights for me were their cover of Paul Kelly's "Dumb Things" which it turns out is PERFECT for a ska cover,  "Town Like Malice" and needless to say, EVERYBODY lost their shit when they played "One Step Beyond".

Sadly it finally came to an end and I was one VERY sweaty, stinky, aching, sore exhilarated gal.

Now if these guys would just play once a week I would be fit as !!!!

Not only are these guys incredible musicians are are all really friendly and it is obvious they love what they do and are having a great time on stage.  It must be so great to play to a room of people who are passionate about your genre of music.  I know that down in the pit the vibe is just fantastic.

If you are a person who doesn't know what SKA music you really should check it out.
It is FUN music that never fails to put it's listener in a Great mood.

Here's a crowd favourite as a sampler:

Sure my knees, feet and calves feel like I've done the Tough Mudder Course 6 times in a row 
but   SO WORTH IT!

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

They don't think it be like it is, but it do. - Oscar Gamble


2016 was a pretty fucking stressful year for me.  

My father finally passed away after succumbing to dementia.  Dementia is a pretty fucking cruel disease.  It's like an alien from some sort of nasty B-Grade horror film.  This creature takes over the host's brain and very gradually eats them alive.  The final 2 months of my father's life was just awful to witness.  He became literally a zombie.  He was dead but his brain was still firing.
My brother and I were with him in his final hours which was a very surreal experience. Such sadness at a life lost and future experiences taken away yet at the same time such relief that it was over for him.  This, combined with the funeral made the first part of my 2016 exhausting emotionally.

Then I left my job after nearly 9 years.
This was an incredibly tough terrifying decision for me but I felt it was time.
Starting a new job in a completely different type of working environment (small business to multinational corporation) , with people you don't know and a system you have never used before was pretty traumatic for me.  It was very much a culture shock. 
I am very fortunate that the girls I work with are so incredibly patient because it was all very overwhelming. My new job is very hectic and you must have superwoman time management and organization skills to do it.  Thankfully, I do have these but it hasn't stopped me having frequent anxiety attacks and depressive episodes.

SO 2017 



If you are friends with me on Facey-Bees you would have seen I watched a documentary called "Embrace" the other night.  I guess you might say I had an epiphany.  

Embrace uncovers why poor body image has become a global epidemic and what women everywhere can do to have a brighter future.

I am so incredibly lucky.  I am healthy. I don't have disease. I am able-bodied. I live in Australia in one of the most beautiful peaceful countries in the world. I am a good, kind, empathetic person.
I have a Pookah, an absolute corker of a husband, a loving family & fantastic friends.  
I am blessed.

So I am a size 18.  So what?!
My boobs are now longer perky and my thighs chaff. I have purple veiny things on my legs and weird skin tag thingys on my neck.  Sure I could stand to be a bit fitter but at the end of the day.... if I am healthy and not on the path to diabetes (which I'm not I've been checked) then the only person who really gives a flying shit about my tummy is ME.

So this year is all about SELF ACCEPTANCE for me.

From my teenage years I have strove to be this unattainable THING. 
To be a size 12.
Thin = happiness.
Healthy = happiness.

I've found that I have started getting depressed looking at Instagram.  The pin-up/vintage girls on there always SEEM to look incredible with their perfect makeup and hair. Their amazing vintage clothes and wasp-waists. They appear to be SO self confident and so self assured. They look fantastic and they know it.   
I NEED to stop comparing myself to this false imagery.
I KNOW that these people take off their make up, brush out their hair and chuck on some tracky-daks and have insecurities just like me.  I know that they have taken 500 photos before choosing that ONE that is 'perfect'.
I never thought that aging would worry me.  I always thought I would NEVER be one of those women who gave a shit about wrinkles and veins.... but lately, to my horror, I have become one.


I am 44 years old.  I am a size 18. I am healthy.


Stop caring what other people think so much. 
People are wrapped up in their own worlds. Stop being so bloody hard on myself. I truly am my own worst enemy.    I constantly worry about what people think and hate the thought that someone doesn't like me or thinks I'm a fuckhead or full of myself because I post selfies.
I will be working on loving myself more.  If people don't like me that is fine and if people reckon I post too many selfies then they can just unfriend me and block me.

Move more.  
No not start some new Couch to 5k or crazy bullshit exercise routine I just KNOW I won't continue after 1 week. 
Just move. W
alk in a park. Swim in the ocean. Play Frisbee. Garden. Walk along the waterfront. 
Just move.

Do heaps of new exciting things.  
Go places I haven't been before.  Do lunch.  Ride a zip-line in the trees.  Go on water slides. Visit the Planetarium. Soak in an onsen. Challenge myself. 

Clean up our house.
De-clutter!!! I have SO much STUFF. Time to get it gone.   
Seriously, how many coffee cups do we REALLY need!!!!
Also, give our house a mini-make over this year. The old girl is starting to look a bit dowdy. 
So bit by bit. Fix up the garden. Weed down the side of the house. Repaint parts. 
A bit of a spruce up is needed.

Sew what you got.
There is a sewing challenge I've been told about that I will be doing.
The next 8 outfits you sew must come from fabric and pattern you already own.  
You can't repeat a pattern and you can't buy any new fabric. It must come from your existing stash.
You can only buy notions.  I don't know what the official hashtag of the challenge is so I've made up my own if you want to join in.

So there you have it.

I'm excited for what this year will have in store for me.  I'm sure whatever comes my way will be exciting and challenging.... but that's OK.

I will be making a point of blogging more this year.  
I find it very cathartic putting my thoughts onto the screen.  
I stopped blogging because, frankly I thought 'nobody gives a fuck about what you're doing Vicki. Why do you think Vicki that people give a shit about what you are dribbling on about... what's the point if nobody's reading".  

Now I will blog for me.  If nobody reads it, that is cool. 
If you do read my shit then I would love you to comment just so I know someone is there LOL